


Better Than Chocolate Cake

by searchingwardrobes



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Brotp, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Married Sex, Parenthood, Sexual Intimacy, The Charming Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 03:03:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11394033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searchingwardrobes/pseuds/searchingwardrobes
Summary: Snow and Emma seem to be the only women in Storybrooke who don't think that Aurora's famous chocolate cake recipe lives up to its name. Now every prince in town is seeking out David and Killian for their secret.





	Better Than Chocolate Cake

**Author's Note:**

> * What is going on? My Captain Swan feed is inundated with Swanfire and Swanqueen fics! Just reading the summaries angers my shipper heart. Our poor pirate gets so much hate! Did Colin say or do something to offend these people? Is it international Swanqueen or Swanfire day? International Hook Hater day? Anyway, I felt like our fandom needed some love, so I decided to dash off this story for everyone. (And I personally only use a relationship tag in a story if it ships that relationship. But apparently, that's just me.)  
> * This is a Captain Swan, Snowing, and Captain Charming Brotp fic.  
> * This story has been tumbling around in my brain for awhile now. It is inspired by a woman's event I went to where a cake called "Better than Sex Chocolate Cake" was served. I laughed and said, "It's not THAT good." Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. And I thought, either I'm really horny, my husband is just THAT good, or all of these other woman are just really sad. Please tell me I'm not alone . . .

              Emma took the opened gift that Aurora handed her and lifted the tiny blue onesie from the tissue paper. She had never been one to even attend baby showers, much less ooh and aah over every tiny baby bootie and hat, but here she was. She handed the box to her mother who was next in the circle of women.

              “See Emma?” she cooed, lifting the tiny thing out and showing it off. “Don’t you want a little boy now?”

              “Okay, mom,” Emma chuckled, pushing the box towards Ashley who sat on her mother’s left, “slow down. We just had Chloe’s first birthday. Let Killian and I revel in sleeping eight hours each night for, oh I don’t know, at least a year before he gets me knocked up again?”

              Her mother laughed her agreement as Jasmine reached down awkwardly over her very swollen abdomen for the next gift. Emma reached over to pick up her plate of chocolate cake again.

              “Mmmm,” Ariel sighed as she relished her piece, “this is the best chocolate cake I’ve ever tasted, Aurora!”

              Emma almost asked Ariel exactly how many chocolate cakes she had actually eaten while living under the ocean, but refrained.

              “Ariel’s right,” Ashley agreed, “and it totally lives up to its name.”

              “I’ll say,” Jasmine laughed, “ _way_ better than sex.”

              All of the women gathered at the baby shower laughed. Except for Emma and her mother.

              “Seriously?” Emma snorted. “Come on, girls, it’s not _that_ good.”

              The room went deafeningly silent as every female in the room stopped to stare at Emma. She raised her eyes at all of them as her next bite of cake hovered before her lips. What had she said? Laughter tittered around the room again.

              “Well, that’s a newlywed for you,” Ashley said sagely, as if she weren’t a full decade younger than Emma.

              Emma lowered her fork and scowled. “Newlywed? Killian and I have been married for three years now!”

              “Yes, _only_ three years,” argued Ariel. “Tell her, Snow.”

              Snow swallowed the bite of cake in her mouth and flushed as she silently regarded everyone. She put her plate down with a regal air and wiped invisible crumbs from her lap. When she looked back up, a mischievous glint was in her eyes. “I agree with Emma. The cake is nowhere _near_ that good.”

              Snow shared a glance with Emma, and though it should have been weird to commiserate with her mother about sex, the look was strangely comforting.

              The room collectively groaned, most of the women rolling their eyes.

              “I guess we can’t all live up to the ultimate true love couples,” snickered Jasmine.

              “Yeah,” Aurora agreed, rolling her eyes, “it’s hard to compete with your true love being raised from the dead.”

              “Wait . . .” Emma said slowly, lifting her hand up as she scanned the room, “are you _all_ saying you’d rather eat cake than have sex?”

              That knowing chuckle again. Snow cast Emma an incredulous look. Aurora reached over and patted Emma’s arm condescendingly.

              “After awhile, it just gets . . . boring.”

              “I’d rather take a nap,” Ashley chuckled.

              “Or read a good book,” Belle put in.

              Okay, that one Emma could see.

              Snow narrowed her eyes at Jasmine, who was nodding in agreement. “You too, Jasmine? You’ve been married only a month or so longer than Emma.”

              The dark haired beauty ran a hand over her protruding abdomen. “Oh, yes. Especially now. I mean, you can’t tell me being pregnant didn’t kill your desire.”

              “I was so horny with pregnancy hormones, Killian could barely keep up,” Emma blurted, blushing at her mother’s smile. “Although my sailor ended up having plenty of stamina,” she added with a quirk of her eyebrow.

              The women all shook their heads, regarding Emma and Snow as if they had sprouted a second head. Emma’s head spun as women talked about sex as a “chore” or “not all it’s cracked up to be.” And this from women who had experienced a true love’s kiss!

              Snow leaned over to whisper in Emma’s ear, “Are we the odd ones or are they?”

              Emma shook her head, “I was wondering the same thing.”

              Her mother elbowed her and grinned, “I choose to count myself lucky.”

              Emma grinned back.

                            **********************************************************

              David was doing the dishes when Snow came up behind him and grasped him around the waist with one arm. With the other she was holding before him a large slice of chocolate cake. The arm around him dipped below his belt, and David dropped a plate with a loud splash into the sudsy water.

              “What’s gotten into you?” He grinned as he turned in his wife’s embrace. “Have that much fun at the baby shower?”

              Snow grinned mischievously up at him, batting her eyelashes. “I suppose. Glad to be home, though.”

              David smiled at her and leaned forward for a kiss. Snow leaned back, instead shoving the cake under his nose again. “Taste this?” she asked, her voice dropping low.

              He shook his head and laughed, “Okay.” He allowed Snow to place a piece into his mouth with her fingers. She watched him intently, her pupils blowing wide as he swallowed and licked his lips.

              “How was it?”

              “Good cake.”

              Then Snow pounced. The kiss was deep and hungry, and soon she was pulling his shirt free from his pants and undoing the buttons. Then came his belt as she pulled him to the kitchen floor.

              “Here?” he asked, unsure what had come over his wife. Not that they didn’t have a satisfying sex life. More than satisfying, actually. Amazing. Even after all this time. But usually she preferred . . . a slow build. Preferably with pillows in a soft bed.

              “Uh huh,” Snow insisted, straddling him, “we’ve never done it on the kitchen floor.”

              He thought to remind her of little Neal asleep upstairs and the possibility that he could walk in on this, but as he watched Snow toss her clothes right and left, well . . . he sort of forgot.

                             *************************************************

              Killian’s eyebrows rose in pleasure as his Swan sauntered into their bedroom. He eagerly tossed aside the book he had been reading and gestured her near. “Did you have a pleasant evening celebrating Jasmine and Aladdin’s wee lad?”

              “Mhm,” Emma said coyly, her smile seductive as she came closer to the bed. She was hiding something behind her back. Definitely not the frame of mind he expected her to be in after a baby shower, that was for sure.

              “Umm . . . Chloe is asleep,” he told her, eying her suspiciously.

              Emma crawled right on top of Killian’s lap, producing a plate of chocolate cake and holding it right in front of his face. “Can I feed you some of this?”

              Killian recognized the desire in her eyes and grinned widely. “Aye, love, go right ahead!”

              Emma dug her fingers unceremoniously in the cake, which fell to pieces at her touch. She then lifted her messy fingers, and Killian eagerly opened his mouth for her. He watched her under hooded lashes as he swallowed the cake, licking and sucking the rest from Emma’s fingers. He had barely finished when Emma captured his lips with hers.

              Her tongue tangled with his, and when she pulled back she licked her own lips. “I like eating it this way much better,” she told him.

              Killian quirked his brows, glancing heatedly at the plate. “And how else can you think of to eat this cake, love?”

              Emma grinned wickedly and then proceeded to show him. Killian decided he never wanted to eat cake any other way ever again.

                            *****************************************************

              David frowned down at his cell phone, then looked up at Killian, “Now Philip has bailed on us, too.”

              Killian’s brow furrowed as he shook his head, still looking incredulously at the text from Aladdin. “Have we done something to offend, mate? That’s four total who are bowing out of our guy’s night.”

              “I’m sorry, guys,” Emma murmured as she collected Chloe from her husband’s lap. “Come here, you,” she chuckled to the baby, “let’s wash dinner off your face.”

              “Yeah,” Snow said as she collected plates from her and David’s dining room table, “you’ve been planning this night at the Rabbit Hole for weeks.”

              “Aye,” Killian replied, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, “it’s one of the last opportunities before Aladdin’s son arrives.”

              David’s phone dinged, and he reached for where it sat next to him on the table. He turned it over and groaned, “Even Leroy! And this text makes no sense.”

              He showed Killian the screen and his son-in-law read it aloud, “Astrid says I’m not allowed around you and your unnatural, lustful desires.” He shook his head, “What the bloody hell does that mean?”

              The hand Emma was using to wash Chloe’s face stilled as she regarded her mother. Snow froze as she leaned over the dishwasher. Mother and daughter exchanged wide-eyed glances.

              “Aladdin’s text said something odd, too,” Killian mused. “He said Jasmine didn’t want him expecting her to be like Emma. Whatever that means.”

              The men were further confused when their wives scurried hurriedly from the room. The next thing they knew, the women were laughing hysterically from the living room. Killian arched an eyebrow at his father-in-law, who merely shrugged.

                            ********************************************************

              David and Killian were only on their second mugs of beer when the group of four princes approached their table. The four men stood there, arms crossed, faces seriously intent.

              “Okay, guys,” Philip said, “tell us your secret.”

              Killian eyed David over his mug with a confused expression. They both set their mugs down to regard their friends.

              “I thought none of you could make it,” David stated, leaning back in his chair.

              “Jasmine asked for pickles and ice cream,” Aladdin explained, “so I don’t have long.”

              “Ashley thinks I had to pick something up at the cannery,” Sean piped up.

              “Forgot something on my fishing boat,” Eric supplied.

              “Tampon run,” Philip explained. At that, everyone gave him a pointed look. “What? Like you’ve never had to?”

              “So spill the beans before our wives get suspicious,” Eric said, spinning his hand in a clockwise motion.

              “We would, mate,” Killian told him, tapping the table with his hook, “if we had any bloody idea what you’re talking about.”

              “The chocolate cake!” Phillip insisted.

              Killian and David glanced sideways at each other, both blushing at the memory of the night before. “Cake?” they both squeaked out. Killian in particular avoided his father-in-law’s eye.

              “Aurora’s chocolate cake recipe,” Philip explained, “it’s called _better than sex chocolate cake_.”

              “And your wives were the only ones who insisted that the cake didn’t live up to its name,” Sean added, “so _tell us your secret_!”

              The men all nodded their agreement. And Killian and David looked at each other with cocky, proud smiles. They both smugly lounged back in their chairs reveling in the admiration of the princes of Storybrooke.

              “Is it true you get sex _at least three times a week_!?” Eric hissed, glancing around the room to be sure no one was overhearing.

              Killian tucked his tongue into the corner of his mouth and arched a brow. “You don’t?”

              “I’m lucky if I get it once a week,” Eric whined, visibly deflating.

              “Once a week!” Sean gasped, “try once a month!”

              “My wife is eight months pregnant,” Aladdin moaned, looking as if he might cry, “imagine how long it’s been for me.”

              “My wife’s the one who baked the damn cake,” Philip pointed out, “how do you think I’m faring?”

              Killian cast a surprised expression over at David. He had no idea how lucky he was. It seemed as if David shared the sentiment. But surely they could give some sort of advice. Since they were evidently filled with prowess . . .

              Aladdin was shuffling his feet and glancing nervously at the clock, so Killian started with him, “Do you know what pleases your lady, my boy?” he asked, gesturing to Aladdin with his hook.

              “Of course,” Aladdin replied, puffing up his chest, “we’ve been married over three years.”

              “Wrong,” Killian spat, with an expression that said the lad ought to know better, “a woman is like the ocean, ever changing. What sends her over the moon one day will bore her the next. You must see your love as a deep mystery to be explored.”

              “But how do I know –“

              Killian cut him off with a wave of his hand, “You ask her, naturally.”

              “You mean talk, during . . .” Aladdin, gestured vaguely with his hand.

              “Yes,” Killian said with a confident nod, “she will be putty in your hands, I assure you.”

              Aladdin’s eyes widened, as if he couldn’t wait to try it out, then he turned and dashed from the room. His wisdom dispensed, Killian ceded to his father-in-law. David nodded at him and leaned towards Philip.

              “What reason does Aurora give for . . . rejecting your advances?”

              Philip sighed, “She always says she’s tired from getting up with the kids every night. Philip Jr. wets the bed, you see. And of course, little Mulan still isn’t sleeping through the night.”

              “Do you ever get up with them?”

              “Me!? I have to get up and go to work. Aurora’s a stay at home mom. She doesn’t do anything all day.”

              David groaned as he massaged his forehead. “Philip, Philip, Philip, no wonder she’d rather eat cake. First of all, never tell a stay at home mom she does nothing all day. She’s running after two little ones with no break, remember? So she needs her rest just as much as you. Take turns getting up with the baby. And the next time you have a day off, offer to let her sleep late.”

              “On my day off?” Philip whined.

              David nodded sagely, “Trust me. You just may get an afternoon delight. Then _you_ can take a nap.”

              Philip’s forehead creased as he thought it over. Then he smiled and shook David’s hand before racing off.

              “Eric,” Killian said, gesturing the fisherman closer, “what stands between you and your fair mermaid?”

              Eric shook his head, “She’s always going on about how her feet hurt from working at the souvenir shop all day. She says legs are a horrible nuisance and her feet are killing her.”

              “Why that’s simple!” Killian proclaimed. “Draw her a bath.”

              “That’s all?”

              Killian nodded. “Draw a bath for her and tell her to relax while you take care of things for her. Clean up, do the dishes, put the kids to bed. Then, after she gets out of the bath, massage her feet. One thing will lead to another, I assure you.”

              Eric’s eyes lit up at the thought, but then Killian leaned forward with a warning, “But don’t make it a one-time thing. Make a habit of it. Sometimes you may even join her in the bath.” Killian winked to emphasize his last point, and Eric was off with a smile on his face.

              “Well, Sean,” David said, “it’s only you now.”

              “Well,” Sean began awkwardly, rubbing his hands down his pants legs, “Ashley always turns me down because she says she never gets any time to herself. She always has little people touching her and needing to be held all day long. The last thing she wants is me pawing at her too. Can you believe that?”

              “Actually, I can” David told him with a shrug, “Snow is in a similar profession. Let me ask, what are your evenings like?”

              “Well,” Sean began, thinking, “I come home from the cannery and Ashley already has dinner on the table. Then I unwind watching ESPN while she cleans up the kitchen, bathes the kids, and puts them to bed. Then I go to Alexandra and Austin and say their prayers with them. Then I go into our bedroom and Ashley wants to relax with a book. I can’t even touch her!”

              David tapped his lips as he listened, “First off, don’t take this the wrong way, but get off your butt and help her with the dishes.”

              “But what’s that got to do with –“

              “Ah!” Killian stopped him with a raised finger, “Do you want the man’s advice or not?”

              Sean immediately fell silent.

              “After the dishes,” David continued, “tell her to go relax with a book while you give the kids a bath. Once you join her in bed, I guarantee you she will be in a much better frame of mind. But like Killian said, it can’t be a one-time thing. I’m not saying you can never watch ESPN, but at least alternate giving the kids a bath. See what I mean?”

              Sean was thoughtful for a moment, then gave a firm nod before rushing out. David and Killian grasped their mugs of beer and clinked them together.

              “We’re legends, Killian!” David exulted.

              “Aye, mate, I’ll drink to that!”

                            ******************************************************

              The next morning at Granny’s, Snow and Emma noticed the oddest thing. Every so often, a man would come up to their husbands and give a thumbs up or a high five and a knowing wink. And everyone in the diner seemed more . . . amorous than usual.

              “So, you two,” Snow began, in an attempt to search out the truth, “how was your guy’s night out?”

              Emma and Snow didn’t miss the cocky grins exchanged by their husbands.

              “It was . . . “ David began.

              “ . . . enlightening,” Killian finished for him.

              But it wasn’t until over a week later when Aurora approached them one evening in the diner that the entire truth came out. The princess stood at their table, her face flushed and her feet shuffling back and forth.

              “I . . . um,” she stammered, “wanted to give you this.”

              She set a recipe card down in the center of the table. All four members of the Charming family leaned over to look at it. It was the recipe for Aurora’s chocolate cake.

              But the words “better than sex” had been crossed out.


End file.
